Reflections from a Year Ago

I've come a long way as a woman. I used to hate the way I looked. I hated my skin color, my hair, my slimness. My lips. I did not like these things about myself because people pointed them out to me as out of the ordinary and I like to be ordinary.

Then I'm less. I know nothing. Therefore I am less. right?

For a great percentage of my self-awareness. I've looked at myself as less. Someone may say "well that explains why she was depressed". Nah let's not get into that lol.

There was a day I looked at myself in the mirror and I wondered, why am I not good enough? I remember it like it was yesterday. I was in high school. I stared at myself and I asked “what's wrong with me?” “I think I’m pretty. ““So why am I less? and why am I not good enough.”

One thing I want to focus on is value.

As a young individual, you always want to place your worth and value in the hands of others because others see the you your reflection does not tell you about. When I stopped caring, I stopped placing my worth and value on what others said to and about me.

I've had people come up to me to ask, "Why are you so skinny?," or "Why'd you cut your hair like that?" And now my response is "because it's normal. And I like it”.

It's crazy really, because I remember when I was a teenager, my sister would tell me, "Sewa, there's nothing wrong with you being skinny. There are women that would kill to be slim like you".

I remember a day like it was yesterday. I came home enraged about what someone said about me and she asked "You don't think you're pretty?"

And when she said that I got irritated like "what do you mean?" What I did not know was that she was trying to help me to start thinking about how I perceived my beauty rather than others perception.

I began to stare at myself in the mirror and say "You good shorty. You're enough." Until I did not have to say it anymore.

Photo by Shae' Blount


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