Skip to main content

The Bae List

Valentine’s Day is coming! And all the single people are totally excited!!!


Since Valentine’s Day is around the corner, I decided to tell you guys about the bae list, my experience with it, and how far I have come with it. The bae list is a list of all the qualities you would want in a future spouse. Whether spiritually, financially, psychologically (state of mind & perception) physically, domestically and many more, it is about what you want. This list is created, and then taken to God in prayer. I mean what else would you do with this kind of list? Obsess over it? Nah don’t do that. That would make it an idol.

I created the bae list a REALLY long time ago and I enjoyed it because it brought things that I never really thought about into perspective. It gave me the chance to be able to talk to God about that awkward topic. Fortunately or unfortunately after creating it, I never did much with it. I know exactly where I kept the list, but I never went back to stare longingly at it, or even add more. At the time when I wrote it, I was in a relationship with a person who you might consider the direct opposite of what was written on my list. I think that may have been why I never looked at it. Maybe I didn’t want to become fully aware of how I was contradicting my life, in that aspect.

Another reason why I never looked back at the list was because I just found the topic BORING! I mean, why would I want to obsess over some dude who is somewhere enjoying his life probably not even aware of my existence?  While I’m over here telling God to send the thunder of cupid his way. I mean, to be honest, that prayer is always awkward. I’m like “God.. um.. So I want this.. and I want that.. but only if you want me to have it.. and um.. if I can have him before you come.. that’d be great.. if not.. that’s okay.. I’ll get over it and live.. Thanks Jesus.. Amen.” It gets confusing for me, but what makes it doable now is that I have a list, I know what to pray for and I also know that asking for what God wants is better and more realistic..

I don’t mean to place all women in the same category, but some of us have our weddings planned out. It’s the truth! We know who is going to plan our wedding, we know what dress we’ll wear (and/or design), event colors, bridesmaids dresses, but yet there’s no groom in sight. One thing we forget is that marriage (...which I know absolutely nothing about...) is more than just a wedding day or homeboy getting on his knees and proposing with BMW key in a ring box *hint hint* (Just being humorous).

Don’t just plan to get married. Plan to stay married and that is what my prayers are now focused on. I’m not praying about the shape of bae’s nose, or how good he can cook (hmmm well actually….). Pray about the marriage and what you would like God to do for you, but also, be prepared to accept whatever God gives you, even if something on your list is missing. God is not a genie. He doesn’t grant wishes unless it is His will.

I most definitely don’t want to obsess over anything, especially since Jesus is on his way, but that doesn’t mean I shouldn’t pray about it and that doesn’t mean that you, my wonderful reader, shouldn’t either. I may never go back to that list and/or pray over it, or create another list later on but that’s only because I don’t know the woman I’ll be tomorrow, and I definitely don’t know what's best for her, but God does. And that’s okay.

Image by Mike Jon
Click to Enlarge

Odabọ (bye for now),



  1. This is a good post!! Taking it day by day is the best plan! Thinking into the future puts expectations in your head that you may not even be ready for! God's timing is the best timing, and I'm glad you know that :D <3

    1. Thank you very much! Its very important to have that mindset!

  2. never heard of the bae list before but you are right there are qualities that we look for and that we should take it slow not dreaming about the "right " one but living life to find the one with the qualities tha we love
    come see us at

  3. Loved when you wrote : "Don’t just plan to get married. Plan to stay married..."

  4. You have a beautiful blog, and I love that your heart actively pursues God. Can't wait to read more!


Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

A Rant on Single Stories

About a week ago, my class commenced by watching a ted talk video of Chimamanda Adichie’s “The Danger of a Single Story”. She happens to be one of the most inspiring writers whose work I have always had the pleasure of indulging my frontal lobe. When I watched this video, I felt myself remembering and reliving my childhood. It was like she was telling my story, except for that Mariah Carey album lol. Although, I have had experience in a similar situation where people would ask me if I understood the African artist who featured on Beyoncé’s song, “Grown Woman”. I didn’t, but when I researched the artist, I found out that he, Ismael Kouyate, is an artist from Guinea. Well Guinea, is not exactly Nigeria, where I happen to hail from, but at least they got the continent right... right?

Well, whenever people would ask me if I understood or could translate what the artist was saying, I told them that it’s not my language. I didn’t really catch offense because, people have not really gotten to…
This is a really delicate topic, so I’ll throw in a couple of “lols” just to loosen up the pathway for the heart trying to rise through the esophagus.

So, how did I overcome depression?

Actually the question is how am I overcoming depression?
This is probably the hardest post I’ll ever write, but I promised to share my story. So here goes...

Depression began in my mid-high school years. The works: stay in my room all day, refuse to socialize with family, church family, school friends, (except for my high school best friend. Love her loads), refuse to eat in public (or with family), if I did, it would mean I'd have to socialize with people, which I did not want. I slept a lot and the sleep came easily. When it didn’t, I’d lay patiently until it came. There were days when I would feel so down and I wouldn’t know why.

I was ready to push anyone and everyone I did not trust away. I was, of course, suicidal. There were always those thoughts that asked “Why am I even alive?”, “What good am I…

Guess Who Just Became a Tapered Babe!

I cut my hair!

I had been speculating for years now. So I finally did it!

So why did I cut it??

To be honest, I just woke up one day and decide against relaxing my new growth. I haven't relaxed my hair in 5 months and the hair really grew!!
What really made me choose to cut it was just the thought of having short hair and being able to enjoy it.

Past experiences with short natural hair:

When I was a child in Nigeria, I'm sure my hair was cut short, and it was probably because my mom was over it, but I SURE didn't mind. I remember the teeny tiny puff which grew into 2 giant puff balls. I remember the rubber thread used to make my hair, separated in sections. They hurt so much and I really hated them. Actually, anything involving an African woman touching my head brings headache and face-lift memories. I happen to have a very sensitive scalp and I have learned that beauty hurts. (But not all the time)
High School
I cut my hair twice. And when I say cut, I mean a REALL…