This is a really delicate topic, so I’ll throw in a couple of “lols” just to loosen up the pathway for the heart trying to rise through the esophagus.

So, how did I overcome depression?


Actually the question is how am I overcoming depression?

This is probably the hardest post I’ll ever write, but I promised to share my story. So here goes...

Depression began in my mid-high school years. The works: stay in my room all day, refuse to socialize with family, church family, school friends, (except for my high school best friend. Love her loads), refuse to eat in public (or with family), if I did, it would mean I'd have to socialize with people, which I did not want. I slept a lot and the sleep came easily. When it didn’t, I’d lay patiently until it came. There were days when I would feel so down and I wouldn’t know why.


I was ready to push anyone and everyone I did not trust away. I was, of course, suicidal. There were always those thoughts that asked “Why am I even alive?”, “What good am I doing wasting all this oxygen?” Really, I pushed people away because when I finally decide to go through with it, I didn’t want anyone to notice or miss me. I wanted everyone to live their normal lives. Fortunately, I never went through with it because I was aware of the spiritual consequences. I didn’t believe in God, but I was conscious of the strong possibility of his existence, and that alone kept me from doing the impossible.


When I graduated from high school, something changed in me. I thought I was feeling better when it came to negative thoughts and suicidal thoughts, but I began to feel different. I began to lose touch with reality. I could sit and have a full blown conversation with someone, but in my mind, I would be wondering “is any of this real, or is this a dream?” My life felt like a dream. I was beginning to enjoy having social relationships with people, though it was very difficult with my demeanor and unwillingness to socialize. I was known as the stereotypical “good girl”; go to school, come back home, do homework, study, and go to sleep. I did the same thing every day, and that did not help me mentally. I just could not connect.


Okay, I haven’t answered the question yet: how am I overcoming depression? Well, freshman year of college wasn’t really effective in dealing with the whole “out of touch with reality” and the “everyday down” feelings that I had. One thing that did help was going to see a psychologist. It was at my school, it was free, and I knew I had problems lol. So I dragged myself into that counseling office and requested for a therapist. Actually, I didn’t drag myself into the office, I dragged myself to the door of the counseling office and just stared at it. I was so scared to go in because I didn’t know what I was going to say was the problem or if my therapist was going to say that I needed more than he was able to offer, and maybe a visit to a psychiatrist would be of more help. Anyhoo, whilst overthinking my life away, I was about turning around to go someplace else and forget about this whole therapy thing when one of the interns came and asked me to come on in, thus giving me the courage I needed to seek the help I desperately needed.

If it weren’t for that intern, I don’t know if I would’ve actually had the courage to walk through that door. I was assigned a psychologist, whose life I probably made difficult because I refused to be clear about my issues. But at some point, he snapped his fingers and POOF! Depression was gone, and I began to feel in touch with reality...

Just kidding... I wish it were that easy lol. First, I had to work on being more open about myself and what I felt. We actually didn’t even focus on depression because really, who wants to spend 12 sessions saying “I don’t know what’s wrong with me, fix me” Welp, my psychologist did not “fix” me, he helped me come up with a couple of lifestyle changes that was realistic and it brought progress on my general outlook on life. For example, I began to socialize more (which was REALLY REALLY difficult), work on my relationships, start exercising, change up my beloved sleeping routines, and depend on my faith, which was REALLY small, but existed. It took quite some time before I could stand up and actually take action when it came to my mental state, but I got up.


By my sophomore year, my counselor noticed the big change in my attitude and appearance, after the long summer break. I had learned to drag myself out of bed, I tried my best to be more social with family and friends and I made it a rule, that I must go out every once in a while, for some serious light therapy and it helped a lot. There were days when I told myself no and it wasn’t easy, but I made it a habit. I didn’t need people to go out. I’ve learnt that I can have fun even if there’s no one to share the moment with.


Now, let's talk about my faith and how that contributed to my overcoming depression. During my second semester in college, I got a niece! Her birth was one of the most challenging and inspiring events I have ever experienced. The first time I met her, I literally felt the presence of God. When I looked at her, I said God made this child... This child is not just a result of 46 chromosomes. Her birth opened a door for me to look at God as more than just a figment of my imagination (or wishful thinking!). I was looking at the work of his hands and she was beautiful! After that moment, I felt compelled to begin praying about my faith and I soon got my freedom from the whole “out of touch with reality” feelings I was having (Whatever that was). Because of her birth, I was desperate to connect with everyone, especially her. 


I got my freedom in a prayer session led by the founder of my church, Pastor W.F. Kumuyi and when I opened my eyes, I felt good, different, like I've been given a new set of eyes and a new mind. I could finally connect with the people around me. Life did not feel like a dream anymore and God blessed and freed me BECAUSE I was so desperate to connect with life and most importantly, him.


I overcome depression every day by choosing to live the life God wants me to have. I don’t have to deal with the negative or suicidal thoughts anymore because I remind myself of who God says I am by filling my mind with nothing but the Word and positive music. It all didn’t happen with a snap of the finger except for that “out of touch with reality” situation. That part was marvelous lol. I overcome depression everyday by taking action.


One thing I’ve learnt is that, depression is not my story. It is just a twist on this really long rope called my eternity. Don’t understand what I’m talking about? Check out this SHORT video!




                            



Odabọ (bye for now),

Oluwanitori

Comments

  1. Thank you so much for sharing your story sis ! I know it's not easy sharing your story but I appreciate your willingness & obedience to do so. Btw I love your blogs & writing style. I also love the design of your blog as well. God bless you ☺️

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    1. Amen! Thank you Edith! It was very hard for me, but when I started writing, the words came out and very quickly! Thanks for the encouragement and compliments! God bless you too!

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  2. Great work, and you are right if you ask me in that God can help with this so very much. You just have to have faith, and stay focused. Keep at it!

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    1. Amen! Thank you for the encouragement and advice!

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  3. It was really nice to read your battle with depression. I know it kills inside but making a few good changes in lifestyle will definitely help!
    www.alienatedeve.blogspot.com

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  4. Good article! I think that it's good that you are sharing it with people to inspire those who are also having depression!

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  5. YES YES YES AND MORE YES!!! I have a very similar story!!! I was delivered from a lot of mental illness in a prayer service and I have been suicidal thought free since!! Now I teach and help women how to put their survival stories into written form in order to share them with others. I am so glad you are doing that!!! God bless you sweet Child of God! If you ever want to chat I'm at www.haleyjsnyder.com

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    1. Thank you soooo much for sharing!! I'm encouraged!!! People don't believe me when I tell them! I'm glad to meet someone who has been blessed in the same way!!! God bless!!

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  6. Beautiful! God has restored you. What a blessing. Keep sharing how you have overcome with the world.

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