God closed a lot of doors in my life in 2015,
but I did not see death.
I was close to death at times,
but I took those miraculous footsteps back and cheated.
or is it cheating if they were miracles?
He ended toxic relationships
and gave me new relationships
so that I may begin to last more than 1 week living for him.
He took away the stumbling block that separated me from him
and though he did not give me the pinch of amnesia I cried for,
He helped me to understand these memories
and to use them to touch the lives of others.
I finally understood the meaning of grace.
I found out that I did not need to clean up myself
to be good enough for God
because that would be like showing up for surgery
after messily cleaning
and stitching up your ripped apart heart.
I found out that he just wanted me to
shut up and stop complaining
and open my mouth and start praising him.
He taught me the art of worship.
He helped me understand the proof of his love.
Though I may never feel like I'm good enough,
his grace was sufficient in 2015.
Within a 5 minute prayer,
my self esteem and self worth went from 45 to 110..
and all the other prayers helped me
to learn to let go of my strong grip over my life.
He made me learn to allow him
to carry me on his shoulders like his sheep
and take me where his spirit desires.
For the first time,
I finally understood what unconditional love meant
and I am still learning everyday to accept it for myself.
2015 was a year of me becoming another person entirely
because that was exactly what I asked for
and though a lot of people may not like it,
I'm thankful for it
because it means he is fulfilling his promise of making me
a new woman.
He's not finished with me yet.
2016 is going to be even more lit.
I can see it already.
Odabọ (bye for now),